The associated reading for this reflection can be found in your Every Sacred Sunday Mass journal or online here.
I recently finished a reread of Jane Eyre, a book that I scorned as a sophomore in High School, but now as an adult have come to appreciate. In a pivotal scene, Jane is overwhelmed by grief and shock. She is about to marry the only person who has ever truly seen and loved her, who has offered her a better life, and she finds out he has been lying to her. Jane has a choice to make: stay with the man she (still!) loves and compromise the values she has cultivated throughout her life, or to leave and be destitute. Jane says:
“Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when the body and the soul rise in mutiny against their rigor; stringent are they; inviolable they shall be.”
I wish my high school self would have internalized these words and their truth. I often found myself resenting rules and principles rather than seeing them as solid ground to find safety and clarity in the chaos of adolescence.
Today’s readings follow this same thread of Jane’s reflection: the utter madness of grief, a call to trust, and the self-control to follow through. The Gospel adds something more: the safety of an understanding that our God is in control.
Today’s first reading is a gut-punch. If you have ever experienced grief, you have probably experienced your own version of crying out to the Lord, asking Him “why?”
In his poignant book, “A Grief Observed,” C.S. Lewis captures this same experience perfectly:
“The time when there is nothing at all in your soul except a cry for help may be just that time when God can't give it: you are like the drowning man who can't be helped because he clutches and grabs. Perhaps your own reiterated cries deafen you to the voice you hoped to hear.”
The Lord’s response is to trust in the “fulfillment” of what He has promised. To wait. We are warned not to be “rash.” We are again encouraged in the second reading, which calls us to remember we have been given a “spirit of power and love and self-control.”
Finally, this brings us to the Gospel. In times of chaos, grief, and uncertainty, we don’t need to have it all figured out. The apostles ask for an increase in faith because they worry what they have won’t be enough for what is needed. But Jesus tells us that it is. Faith doesn't require certainty; it wouldn’t be faith at all if we had logical certainty that things would work out.
Lord, help me to cry out to You in my chaos and struggles. You can handle it. I ask for the faith to trust in You, even when I cannot see how You are working.
Jesus I trust in You. Jesus I trust in You. Jesus I trust in You.
Regina Gray, LPC works as a mental health counselor in Austin, TX. She specializes in working with survivors of trauma and abuse, utilizing art and creative interventions to help her clients process their experiences. Regina loves to go on adventures around the city with her wonderful husband, and two wild children, Ezra and Eloise. For more info about mental health counseling, you can reach her at www.reginagraycounseling.com.
