At some point in our lives (or let’s be honest—many), we find ourselves in moments of despair or desolation. I’ve certainly found myself in such a season now, filled with turmoil, uncertainty and great doubt.
“Lord, what do you want from me?” has been my loud cry, weighing heavily on my heart for quite some time now. When I glanced at today’s readings when they were first assigned, I literally told God, “El-oh-el, Lord. Seriously?!” As I sit here reflecting on the readings, I can’t help but chuckle again.
So what is God calling—commanding—me to do?
Fully and completely.
To let go of this false sense of “control.”
I recently realized that throughout this season I’ve been grasping, not actually controlling anything. And when I realized this—all of the anxious noise and chaos came to a sudden halt. It’s as if everything dramatically crescendoed to this moment of piercing silence. In a moment so clear, I hear:
“Will you just listen to me? Surrender. Trust. Me.” Loud and clear, Lord.
I’d be lying if I told you I‘m not afraid. Believe me, I am. Taking a leap of faith into the “unknown,” brings much fear. However, there’s now a good dose of excitement, light and joy that comes with it too.
I have been blessed to have an incredible support system rallying and praying for me throughout this season. My sweet friend, Nina, shared this: “Let go and let God create the masterpiece of a story He has for you and your life.” She reminded me that beyond the anxiety and fear lies great hope, beauty and goodness.
I don’t have it all figured out, but I know this: in surrendering, the scales on my eyes have fallen. I have rediscovered the freedom to breathe and to simply be.
Oh dearest, Lord, I surrender. How sweet it is to be loved and known by You!
Carmel Tajonera is a community builder, storyteller and fundraiser based in Houston, Texas. She’s a fun-sized Filipina who loves her faith, family and food. Learn more about her here.