The associated reading for this reflection can be found in your Every Sacred Sunday Mass journal or online here.
Do we have any other doubters here? I, for one, have found myself doubting the Lord’s ability to heal for a while. For context, I have a handful of chronic illnesses and have been petitioning for healing for many years with little improvement. The Lord has healed my heart time and time again, but my body mysteriously remains fragile and in need of a Physician. Lately, I have witnessed the Lord’s healing in the lives of many others. It is an absolute gift, but I find myself much like Thomas demanding physical, visible proof of Jesus’ presence, thinking “Unless I see healing in my own body, I will not believe that it is possible.”
Though I am not proud of these thoughts, I know that I am not alone! So many of us are walking around like Thomas, expecting visible signs that the Father is with us. But I do not see doubt as an obstacle or discouragement in this daily walk with the Father. He is too merciful to see our doubt and disconnect us from His love. Instead, He invites us to a conversion of heart, opening the door to deeper intimacy with Him. Though I have yet to see much improvement in my physical symptoms, I have found so much peace in knowing that my whole being is held safe in the arms of a Father who loves me enough to continue seeking my heart even when I doubt His. Though I cannot put my finger into His side or see Him in the flesh, He has shown Himself to me in the Eucharist, in our quiet time together, and in the healing of my friends and family members.
No matter what you are experiencing, I invite you to ask Jesus to show you where He is increasing your curiosity and desire for Him, even in your doubts. Though we cannot see Him in the flesh in this life, we know that He is with us and that He is breathing over us with His Spirit of Peace. So do not be disbelieving, friends, but trust that He is with you—even if you are not healed, even if you are lonely, even if all things seem to be falling apart. And when you find yourself in a season of doubt, remember that He loves you in the mess and He is waiting to reveal Himself to you as He did to Thomas.
Father, in this season of rejoicing, we ask that You will increase our joy and our ability to see You in every challenge and doubt. You are never far from Your beloved! We thank You and we praise You. Amen.
Katie Fitzgerald is a happy graphic designer from the great state of Texas. She loves the psalms, sunflowers, Pensacola beaches, art museums, laughing, film photography, and big family dinners (with people who feel like family, even if they aren't). You can catch her on Instagram, likely reposting prayers or words of encouragement from others.