The associated reading for this reflection can be found in your Every Sacred Sunday Mass journal or online here.
“What I am doing, you do not understand now, but you will understand later.”
What frustratingly fitting words from Jesus. Today it speaks to a generation that finds itself in a place that we would not have predicted in our wildest dreams. And how painful it is to be here on Holy Thursday, reading about the Institution of the Eucharist, and we cannot even receive Him in this intimate way. Jesus desires so deeply to be united with us that He turns himself into food to be consumed, and we cannot even partake. For me, the Eucharist would be the very thing that could get me through this time. But the remedy for my soul is unavailable to my sick heart. And beyond feelings of sadness, that makes me mad.
Mad, like the Israelite slave being told to sacrifice his favorite lamb.
Mad, like the devout Jew upon hearing the words he must eat flesh and drink blood to be saved.
Mad, like Simon Peter when Jesus began to wash his feet.
None of this makes sense. None of this feels good. None of this seems right. Why would the Lord ask something of us that seems to directly contradict what is good?
Yet here I am like the Israelite slave, tearfully and obediently offering my precious, beloved Lamb as a sacrifice.
I am like the devout Jew at the Last Supper: trapped between choosing to accept how God has decided to save me, and choosing to abandon His plan for something else that seems to better fit my ideas of piety and holiness.
Finally, I am like Simon Peter, who desires so deeply to receive what the Lord offers that he requests that his hands and head be washed as well. Whatever it is He is doing in us through this time, if it is for my salvation, I have decided I want it all.
“What I am doing, you do not understand now, but you will understand later.”
Through it all, Jesus is still Lord. He does not need our permission or our input on how He decides to save us. Even if His methods don’t jive with the way we’ve decided things “ought to be”.
All is for Your Glory, Lord.
Jennifer Stavinoha lives in Bryan, TX with her husband and two little girls. She loves reading, baking, and judging international figure skating from her couch. Jennifer is the Content Coordinator for Ablaze Ministries’ parent outreach ministry, Beyond the Pew. To find out more, check out the Beyond the Pew Facebook group, Instagram or visit their website.