The associated reading for this reflection can be found in your Every Sacred Sunday Mass journal or online here.
In the summer of 2016 I moved back to Texas after several years in Canada. I returned to finish my bachelor’s degree and, I hoped, continue the work of evangelization with the Catholic community I would inevitably find.
That summer began the loneliest two years of my life. While the Catholic community was large, I struggled to find my place in it. On top of this, scandal after scandal continued to break and I found myself feeling lost and abandoned by the Church. Let down by fellow Catholics and leaders in the Church, I didn't know how to cope.
How could I “consider it all joy” (James 1:2) when I was so lonely, angry, and sad?
In today’s Gospel, Jesus shares the Eucharist with his followers, and many reject Him. They feel He has asked too much: “This saying is hard, who can accept it?”
Our focus turns to the disciples who stayed. “Do you also want to leave?” He asks.
In my times of greatest loneliness, the times I have been deeply troubled by things happening in the Church and people are leaving in droves, God asks me the same question. I begin to understand the response of the apostles: “To whom shall I go?”
I’d always heard the Eucharist called the “bread of life.” It wasn’t until so much was stripped away that I realized the truth in those words. Desperation for God became my life raft in the storm.
In the loneliness and sadness, my heart began to bloom. The grief and rejection gave me a new appreciation for Christ’s own suffering in the end. The time alone made a space to be filled by a weekly adoration hour, a time when I began to sit with God and get to know Him.
“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” - Romans 8:38-39
Lord, help me to use the struggles I encounter as an invitation to cling to you more tightly.
Regina Gray lives in Austin, Texas with her husband and their many houseplants. She is a NET Canada alumna, psychotherapist in training, and artist who serves as a dating violence counselor at a local women’s shelter. You can check out her art here.