The associated reading for this reflection can be found in your Every Sacred Sunday Mass journal or online here.
A month before my big move across the country, I met Daniel. He was smart, fun, passionately Catholic, and wanted to pursue a relationship. I had told myself I was “called to singleness” and closed my heart to marriage, but deep down there was hurt. I had assumed being loved like that was too grand a thing for me. Besides, it finally felt like my life was coming together; I had a plan to put down roots after almost a decade of moving around. I was annoyed at God for bringing someone into my life now. I remember thinking, “This can’t be God’s will for my life–long distance is too messy.” I felt that God was still calling me to move but also to dive into this new relationship.
Why is it when we ask the Lord to use us, to transform us, we assume it will be easy?
I wonder if Mary felt like I did. Did she think her life was “coming together” as she prepared for marriage and at the angel’s proclamation felt her plans slipping away? Mary is “greatly troubled” by the angel’s greeting, “Hail, full of grace!” Perhaps she also felt that such a role was “too grand” for her. How many times have I asked the Lord, “How are you going to make this work?” The angel’s answer is true for us too: “The Holy Spirit will come upon you.” Mary knew what people would think. She had every reason to be afraid, yet instead reached out in faith.
God has amazing plans for each of us: specific ways that we have been chosen to reveal a piece of His heart to the world. More often than not, it tends to look much different from how we thought it would. In our mess, God pours out His grace on us that provides courage and peace through the Holy Spirit. St. Augustine said it best: “Cast yourself upon Him, do not be afraid. He will not withdraw Himself so that you fall. Make the leap without anxiety, He will catch you and heal you.”
This year, as I prepare to marry Daniel, I think of all the scary things the Lord has asked me to do, how messy my life seemed at the moment, and yet we read in Romans that “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” When I feel afraid of the new thing the Lord is calling me to, I reach for my Mother’s hand and speak her fiat: “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to Your word.”