The associated reading for this reflection can be found in your Every Sacred Sunday Mass journal or online here.
I recognize that the past few months when people have asked me how I am doing, the word that comes out is “overwhelmed.” I say it with a laugh and a smile because “who isn’t?”
In the midst of a long season of spiritual dryness, I finally spit out the words that had been sitting on my heart for these months: “God, do you even care?”. I realize that I am asking this question to the same God who died for my sins on the cross, yet in the day to day, especially in this season of adjustment as a new mom, it can be hard to feel like that applies to me. In trying to do it all- to have it “all”, I’m realizing that the illusion of perfection comes at a cost. The more I seek to control and take care of everything, the more bitter I become.
In today’s Gospel, we see two distinct responses in Herod and the Magi to the news of Christ’s birth. Herod is a powerful ruler, and considers himself the king of the Jews. He feels threatened as he hears the Magi talk of even the stars in the sky proclaiming Jesus’ majesty. Rather than be humbled by it and recognize something greater is at work, Herod seeks to find and kill this child. Herod’s insecurity in his power drove him to cruelty, all for the sake of trying to keep control.
Then we have the Magi- foreigners, not even Jews. Yet “they were overjoyed at seeing the star”- they want to welcome Jesus. The “heavens declare the glory of God”, and they are moved by it. The Magi know that something greater than them is at hand, and they rush to come pay Jesus homage. They know that Christ is for all of us, ready to meet us as we are.
I want to think I am like the Magi, seeking Christ in all things, but I often fall into Herod territory. In my need to control, I become bitter and overwhelmed.
I don’t need to be though.
This is the Epiphany- that He is Emmanuel- God with us. Christ is in this messiness with us, and He wants us to have the freedom of knowing that He is in control.
Lord, help me to have a humble heart so that I may seek You in all things. GIve me the grace to deeply know that You are with me.
Regina Gray, LPC-A works as a mental health counselor in Austin, TX. She specializes in working with survivors of trauma and abuse, utilizing art and creative interventions to help her clients process their experiences. Regina and her husband are avid Survivor fans, and when not watching a new season, they can be found chasing after their squishy son, Ezra, hiking, playing board games, or finding new places to eat!