The associated reading for this reflection can be found in your Every Sacred Sunday Mass journal or online here.
Though I sat in the quiet stillness of adoration, my thoughts churned anxiously. I wrenched my mind back to the rosary I was fumbling through and realized that I hadn’t kept my place. Had I just completed the second decade? The third? I was certain that God would be angry with me if I guessed wrong, so I decided to start over entirely.
He couldn’t be angry with me for that.
I live with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), a mental health illness that affects the way I interact with the world around me. The particular sub-genre I fought against in this moment is called scrupulosity, a severe guilt or obsession centered around religious issues, and it is one of the common ways OCD pops up in my life. I consistently get lost in the “rules” of the Catholic faith rather than the beauty, and it often threatens to consume me with anxiety and worry.
In the Gospel, we hear that Peter was distressed after Jesus asked him for the third time, “do you love me?” In that moment of distress, Jesus meets Peter where he is with patience and love, just as He meets each one of us in our anxiety and distress. Peter responds with surrender and trust in Jesus, saying, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.”
Every day, I struggle to surrender my fears to Jesus. I struggle to shoulder the challenges of mental illness and live my vocation as a wife and mother. But every day, no matter the challenge, I know that I can drag my gaze before me and witness Jesus carrying the weight of my sins because of His love for me. I know that when I cry out, He will help me. I know that, just as He met Peter, Jesus is waiting to meet each of us in our distress with love and patience. If you struggle with anxiety, worry, or fear, I invite you to share these things openly with Christ. Know that He is intently listening to you too with patience and love.
Lord Jesus, thank you for walking with me as I shoulder my cross. Teach me to seek the Sacraments of Confession and Eucharist to draw strength from your most Sacred Heart. I do not pray for ease on this earth, but Lord, please bless me with challenges that will mold my heart into one like Yours. Bless me with the wisdom to seek You first, and bless me with the certainty that Your hand is working in all things. Amen.
Katie is a Catholic wife and mom from the Lone Star State. She recently left the classroom to launch her freelance writing business, McStravick Communications, in an effort to be a more present mom. When she’s not writing or playing make-believe games of epic proportions with her son, Katie loves to read, run, rock, climb, and nerd out with her husband over their favorite shows.