The associated reading for this reflection can be found in your Every Sacred Sunday Mass journal or online here.
Every year, as religious sisters, we have a time set aside for an eight-day silent retreat. This year, however, because of the current restrictions on gatherings and traveling, we are making our annual retreats in our local community instead of at a retreat house. When I heard this news, I thought right away that the idea of being away from my everyday surroundings, being in a quiet and peaceful environment, was just not going to happen.
In my head, I was already picturing the worst scenario of how this retreat would be. I would probably just sleep in my room more and struggle everyday trying to figure out what I should do in the absence of a retreat director. I had so many anxieties coming into retreat, but I also believed that there is grace in saying yes to this. And so I went.
The morning I started my retreat, one of my sisters gave me a little note with a quote from the Gospel of John: "Who are you looking for?" This is what Jesus asked Mary Magdalene. It was like Jesus was directly asking me, who are you looking for in this time of retreat? I reflected and prayed with that Gospel, and I knew in my heart who I was looking for. It is Jesus. I knew in that moment that I was not alone coming into retreat. First, I was accompanied by all the prayers of my sisters. Second, there was the providence that Jesus Himself desired me to be on this retreat, at this time, in the situation and place I am in — even when I didn’t think it was a preferred situation.
I was unsure if I could make it through all eight days without a retreat director. Each day I felt Jesus saying to me, "Look, just follow me; keep your gaze on me.” Isn’t that what Jesus said in the Gospel of today: “I am the way and the truth and the life”? And true to His words, He guided me and spoke and led me where I was supposed to go. I sheepishly would say I had the most beautiful retreat experience. Jesus showed up just like He promised.
So, maybe you don't know what to expect anymore in this situation, or are frustrated with changes that keep unfolding, or tired of being quarantined — whatever you are experiencing right now, you can be certain that Jesus is with you. It is precisely here in the not-so-quiet space, the everyday surroundings, that He is guiding, sharing His love, and restoring us. He is saying to you, too, "Do not let your heart be troubled… I am your way, your truth and your life."
Sr. Putri Magdalena Mamesah is a sister with the Daughters of St. Paul. She lives in Virginia and currently her ministry is in the outreach and evangelization. She enjoys hand-lettering and anything about St. Mary Magdalene. You can come say hi to her on Instagram.