The associated reading for this reflection can be found in your Every Sacred Sunday Mass journal or online here.
There is an interesting wordplay in the Greek text of today’s Gospel. The first two times Jesus asked Peter “Do you love me more than these?” He uses the word agape, which refers to the highest form of love – one that is transcendent and unconditional. And both times, Peter replies “Yes Lord, you know that I love you” but uses the word phileo, a less-lofty, more brotherly form of love. For the third time, Jesus asked, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” and this time, the word he used for love is Peter’s – phileo.
I think of this passage often. I think of Peter’s shame coming face to face with Jesus after he had denied Him three times. I think of how Peter showed up with a love that’s less than Jesus’; a love that is broken and tainted with guilt for having betrayed his Lord and master. It makes me think of my own shame, and coming before God in my brokenness. I think of the all-encompassing sadness that has plagued me lately- my hopelessness and anger since my husband’s cancer diagnosis. I think of how I am often consumed by the kind of guilt that keeps me from praying, avoiding that date when I would have to awkwardly face Him who I doubted and sinned against.
But upon reading this Gospel again today, I find my focus moving from Peter to Jesus. It was Jesus who pursued Peter, and invited him to express his love and be redeemed. Jesus, upon seeing Peter for the first time since his arrest, death and resurrection, did not question Peter about his betrayal. Instead, He restored him to his rightful place as Jesus’ disciple. And when Peter couldn’t match Jesus’ agape, He met Peter at his level and accepted his broken love.
Such is His love for Peter, and I know – such is His love for me.
In a few days, my husband will start radiation. There are so many more challenges ahead of us, and I just know that I haven’t seen the last of my despair. But in my brokenness, I feel the Lord pursuing me. Inviting me to present Him my love, wanting and broken like Peter’s. Such is His love for me; I have sinned against Him in my rage and loneliness and have pushed Him away, and yet He comes and says, "sit beside me child. Do you love me?"
Lord, You know that I love You. But You also know of my human brokenness, my shame, and my guilt. My sorrow and my rage. I come to You knowing only Your light and love can banish my darkness. Lord, teach me to pursue You in these moments of weaknesses. Teach me to love like You do. Amen.
Tisa Muico is an illustrator and a wife to a lay missionary, currently living out her calling serving Christ through her art. Inspired by the lives of the saints, she co-founded Friends in High Places - a small Catholic stationery business - with her husband Kevin. She is in an endless pursuit of good coffee, and the true, good, and beautiful. You can find her on Instagram or on her website.