The associated reading for this reflection can be found in your Every Sacred Sunday Mass journal or online here.
“I felt so alone.”
Across all different situations and lifestyles, I hear this cry. From humiliating situations to traumatic experiences, "alone-ness" seems to be a recurring theme. No matter who we are or what our families look like, fear of isolation seems to manifest in the ways we strive to be perfect; to prove we are lovable, or the best, or whatever way we have learned to assuage the discomfort.
Some engage in people-pleasing, and some detach themselves; all to lighten the fear of being left by one we love. I can only imagine how the disciples felt watching their Savior die in a traumatic crucifixion, to have Him returned to them alive, and then say He is going to leave again.
Only, Jesus is not a lover who leaves. He promised not to abandon us, and that He would not leave us orphans. He gives us the gift of the Holy Spirit, calling Him "The Advocate", to teach and remind us of the Father’s promises. Directly after this, He gifts us His peace.
Even with the gift of the Holy Spirit, we are never told we won’t struggle or experience sorrow. As I heard during my NET year: “the joy of Christ is not the absence of suffering, but the presence of peace.” Peace is believing that we are not abandoned in the darkest moments of our lives, that we are beloved even when the world turns its back on us. Jesus illustrates this beautifully on the cross when He quotes Psalm 22: “My God, my God why have you abandoned me?” The second part of that verse reflects on trusting in the Lord, who is near to those who suffer.
Reflecting back on this fear of abandonment, we find true healing in authentic connection; not in always saying ‘yes’, or avoiding meaningful conflict. We find true love in following Christ, as we ‘keep [His] word’. The Lord sent us the Holy Spirit to be a warm embrace in the midst of our trials.
Lord, help me to remember the gift of Your Holy Spirit in the times I feel alone and abandoned. Help me to embrace your peace, even in the midst of suffering. Jesus, give me the grace to deeply know that I am loved.
Regina Gray, LPC-A works as a mental health counselor in Austin, TX. She specializes in working with survivors of trauma and abuse, utilizing art and creative interventions to help her clients process their experiences. Regina and her husband are avid Survivor fans, and when not watching a new season, they can be found hiking, playing board games, or finding new places to eat!