The associated reading for this reflection can be found in your Every Sacred Sunday Mass journal or online here.
I am often very concerned with what I am owed. The therapist in me wants to go back to when it first started, but practically speaking it is something I have to battle in myself every day. This struggle has come to light most obviously in my marriage. Let me be clear: my husband is a better cook, a more thorough (and regular) cleaner, and is always eager to do projects around the house; yet I began to notice that when he would leave out his dishes or socks, I found myself personally offended. I began to keep a record of all the times I picked up after him, and started thinking how unfair it all was.
It wasn’t until I went to prayer one morning that I realized that the root of this scorekeeping was a deep fear that I would be taken advantage of. My mental tally was my way of trying to protect myself, to make sure I wasn’t getting a “bad deal”. This self-protectiveness wasn’t making me a better or more loving spouse, but rather causing me to be less charitable and grateful for the numerous ways that he loves me. I don’t have to protect myself from my husband — he is all in, every day. I share this brokenness of mine to set the stage for the Beatitudes. I think we can sometimes look at them as a list of things that we are owed, forgetting that the heart of the Beatitudes is to give us hope in the mercy and love of God.
The first and second readings give us insight into the disposition of our hearts when approaching the Beatitudes. The first reading asks “a people humble and lowly” to “take refuge in the name of the Lord”. We must admit our smallness and sinfulness to recognize that God alone can save us.
St. Therese said it most eloquently in Story of a Soul:
“I feel that even had I, on my conscience, every crime one could commit, I should lose nothing of my confidence: my heart broken with sorrow, I would throw myself into the Arms of my Saviour. I know that He loves the Prodigal Son, I have heard His words to St. Mary Magdalen, to the woman taken in adultery, and to the woman of Samaria. No one could frighten me, for I know what to believe concerning His Mercy and His Love. And I know that all that multitude of sins would disappear in an instant, even as a drop of water cast into a flaming furnace.”
We will never “earn” heaven, but must instead choose to fully immerse ourselves in His mercy. Remember that “God chose the lowly and despised of the world, those who count for nothing, to reduce to nothing those who are something, so that no human being might boast before God.”
Today, as you reflect, I would challenge you to ask the Lord who is it that you despise? Is it a person? A group of people? Maybe it is those who have different worldviews or politics than you. Ask Him how He loves them, and how loving them might be an opportunity to experience God in a new way.
Regina Gray, LPC-A works as a mental health counselor in Austin, TX. She specializes in working with survivors of trauma and abuse, utilizing art and creative interventions to help her clients process their experiences. Regina and her husband are avid Survivor fans, and when not watching a new season, they can be found hiking, playing board games, or finding new places to eat! Please pray for them as they prepare for the birth of their son in February :)
